Written by Suzanne Titkemeyer

One advantage of turning 60 years old this year is the ability to look back at the crazy fashions through the years and realize what you wear does not really matter, or amount to a hill of beans in the long run. In 1974 we all wore some rather embarrassing fashions. I remember wearing those knee length pants, knee socks and platform shoes seen on “Soul Train“. I thought I was so hip, so cool. Looks kind of silly now. What did I know?

Which leads me to the blog on modesty and dressing properly by someone I have been watching on various places yet not covered here. A younger Evangelical attempting to be influential in that world. Mrs. Midwest, She claims to blog on how to be a feminine Christian housewife in our rude crude world all to honor Christ. I don’t know how modest she is considering I have seen her continually referring to her large breasts and underwear time and time again.  Truly classy people do not keep referring to their bras.

There have been photos posed to seem sort of seductive on her various social media. Yesterday I took a look at her blog and viewed a piece on that most awful of topics, modesty and her thoughts on being elegantly modest. Dressing not to make guys lust, making women responsible for the sexuality of strange men.

Part of me is dying laughing at her words about modesty and how to dress ‘classy’ ad ‘polished’ because I am a retiree living in a casual tropical paradise. Much of this just cannot practically work here, or for me in this stage of life. Or for anyone else living a real life not staged for the camera

“A cute outfit can be absolutely harpooned by a saggy bra, underwear lines, or a see-through skirt. Don’t make the fashion mistake of failing to sculpt your figure. The clothing is just the adornment on top of the real treat: YOU. So make sure you are sculpting and shaping your figure as best you can underneath those adornments to really help your clothing look flattering. This could mean cheeky underwear to avoid panty lines, a sturdier bra, or even wearing a pair of Spanx. “

You know how you can avoid visible panty lines? Don’t wear them.

It’s in the 90s here every single day. You’d sweat to death in Spanx and shapewear. It’s just not practical for everyone, and it boils down to that thing no one in Quiverfull Evangelicalism loves – personal choice.

“Honestly, I think if we all made a pact to throw out our masculine shoes, the world would be a prettier place for it. Masculine shoes might look chic on the model on Instagram, but when your average woman wears masculine shoes it tends to drag down her entire look. Have you ever noticed that most Russian women, (some of THE MOST polished and feminine women in the game) never wear masculine shoes? They make good use of pointed toes, feminine colors, and supple textures and heels to help their legs look long and their outfits look chic.”

Oh dear, she goes on to promote the wearing of high heels whenever not vacuuming or taking out the trash! Can you imagine those other enforcers that promote modest clothing wearing high heels? I just simply cannot. My feet hurt just thinking about it after surviving the extreme high heels and platform shoes of the 1970s.

“Loose tops are a scourge on our society. They RARELY flatter and most often obscure our central marker of femininity: the beautiful place from our bust to our waist, down to our hips. That golden place must not be hidden from the world! It is what makes you a woman! I encourage you to adopt fitted tops into your wardrobe. Not tight, not super immodest or revealing, just fitted. You can make use of draping or ruching if you would like to disguise extra tummy fat, but I encourage you to avoid the temptation of just throwing on extremely baggy sacklike tops in an effort to obscure your shape. “

Everything about her seems calculated to scream “Look at me, but just appreciate, do not lust!”

Wear the top you want. In this hot clime you’re better off with the loose floaty one than one fitted to your skin, creating another layer to cause sweating.

She goes on to order you to take care of your skin, wear makeup, but not enough to make you look like a street walker, to make your hair stylish and attractive, but no weird colors or fancy styles. Wear a watch, be ‘classy’. All of her directions on how she thinks you should be dressing modestly boil down to ‘please male gaze but do not show anything.’ A slippery slope impossible to truly achieve.

She really is a study in unconscious contractions. She brags on a working mother that wore business suits, yet promotes the entire idea of stay at home wives only. Mrs. Midwest talks in many places about the importance of dressing modestly, yet wears modest clothing that seems designed for male gaze and maximum attention.

Makes the modesty standards of people like poor Michelle Duggar look reasonable, button up shirt, below the knee skirt and practical flat shoes. At least it sends a clear message of actual modesty. Gaw!! I cannot believe I just defended Michelle ‘Nike’ Duggar!

Look, we all should be dressing in ways suitable for our lives, that please us, and works for the climate, stage of life, body, and moment we are in. Were I to show up to the beach fancied up to the nines in a Chanel suit and high heels I would think it would be time to call the guys with the straight jackets to haul me away. Instead I dress for my life here, shorts, a sleeveless top and flip flops. It’s a matter of practicality.